The Lively Lagnappe
Date 2/21/2002 12:00 AM | Topic: Opinion[i]"So, I've got a situation. I know that everyone claims to be this pitiably poor college student, but I'm the real deal. I don't have money to buy new clothes, take girls on dates, or go out with my friends on the weekends. How can I have fun and impress the ladies when I'm broke?"
- Broke as a Joke[/i]
Man, I feel your pain. There was a month last year when I went out a couple of times a week, and even had a few dates, for just $5. It's hard to believe, but it's an easy skill to master with a little motivation, which it sounds like you have. Listen.
First of all, you must align yourself with the right friends. I don't mean seeking out new ones, but we all have those friends who never seem to run out of money and don't mind using their parents' credit cards once in a while. Make a point to start hanging out with them more. Let them know your financial plight, and they will be more than happy to "cover you for the night," usually about once a week. Always, always thank them.
Another kind of friend you absolutely must have is the bartending ones. Show up, and when they ask you what you want, just tell them you're broke. Bartenders are usually good people; they won't be able to resist buying a friend a drink. If you've got a girl with you, hospitality will usually be extended to her as well. Always, always thank them.
Now that you've got your ticket out on the town, let's talk about apparel. Even with the most meager funds, clothes shouldn't be a problem at all. People fail to realize what a treasure chest second-hand stores are, and spending about a half an hour and $10 in one can ensure at least one new outfit. Old looking clothes - as long as they fit well - are hip, and just about anyone can pull off wearing them.
Accessories. Can also be obtained at thrift stores, but for more up-to-date merchandise, you'll have to stoop to your new lows on campus. If you've noticed, the same jumble of necklaces and bracelets has been hanging behind the info desk for three years now. Cruise by real slow one day, pick one out, and claim it as your own the next afternoon. I know, truly shady, but you've got girls to impress, which brings us to the last point.
This is a pretty easy one, but it must be handled sincerely, or girls will think that you are simply cheap. Broke is okay; cheap is just unattractive. If you get a chance, find a movie in her collection that you "have been dying to see," and suggest that the two of you could watch it together. Instead of taking her out to dinner, load your bag with a few essentials from the caf and make some food. Cooking is always a better option, and this way Luther can pay for it.
So, my broke friend, go forth and revel in your poverty. When you do come across a little windfall, you will be more likely to spend it economically. Just make sure you don't forget the friends who helped you out. You never know when you'll be poor again. That's it for Lively. Peace.
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Joel Lively
Columnist
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